This is exactly how I feel. I could not have said it better. I try to keep my blog posts positive to help motivate you and me but I’m allowed a day that dieting just gets on my nerves!!! Today is that day.
I battle food and weight it seems every minute of my life. I feel guilty if I enjoy even one bite of something I shouldn’t eat. I feel guilty if I don’t get in some form of exercise. I feel guilty if I eat too late at night. I feel guilty if I miss a meal. I feel guilty all the time. I ask myself daily if all of this is worth the headache. I feel like I’ve given up so many of the foods I love all in the name of maintaining a certain weight or trying to lose more. No mac and cheese. No soda. No bread. No white rice. No potatoes. No more of anything I like to eat. Sometimes I want to scream!!! I get tired of eating like a rabbit…rice cakes, peanut butter, and protein. I would love to pull the chair up to my mom’s table and enjoy her cooking. When I call after work everyday I always ask what she fixed for supper. I live vicariously through their meals ha! I would love a plate of her famous pork chops, fried potatoes, pinto beans, slaw and cornbread. She makes a beef stroganoff that is so delicious! And let’s not forget Grandma West’s fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, peas, biscuits and homemade fried apple pies washed down with a sweet tea with lemon (and none of that artificial sweetner mess. The real sugar!). That certainly won’t be on my food list tonight–or anytime soon. I’ll probably fix egg salad. The thoughts of it depress me.
Now on the flip side to my aggravation I know how important it is to keep my diet in check. I don’t want my cholesterol to go up again and it’s certainly helping to keep my blood sugar under control. I also know that I look much better in a pair of jeans and I enjoy the fact that my clothes need a safety-pin. I wasn’t born with the “skinny gene.” I am built like my beautiful Grandmother Gentle. I look like the Gentle side of the family. They are a good-looking bunch of people let me tell you 😉 They are also built like pears…small through the shoulders and waist and larger through the hips and rear end. I don’t mind the curves but it is hard work to melt away the extra padding. Mom said it didn’t come on overnight, it’s not going away overnight. I wish someone would create a magic pill that would instantly slim you. Now THAT would be an instant best seller!
This too shall pass and I will get over my diet frustration. Today it is just bringing me down and that is a rough feeling. Maybe I am nutrient deprived (ha!) or maybe I just miss a good home cooked meal and my mom’s kitchen table. Don’t feel like you struggle alone. I do as well and doesn’t it just flat-out stink?
Have a great day everybody!