Day 76-New app, boost in self-esteem, small boat in a large ocean

I have a new app to share with you. It’s called MapMyRun. It’s a free app. I downloaded it this week but haven’t really had a chance to see how it works. It records your workout and even routes the path you walk or run. If you’ve tried this app already, leave a comment to let us know if you like it and how it works. I plan to use it this weekend and will let you know my thoughts.

When you feel good about yourself it shows. When you lose weight and see a different person in the mirror, or in my case on television, it can have an effect on your self-esteem. When I was heavy, at 184 pounds, I couldn’t stand to look at myself. I felt gross and depressed. I was so self-conscious that I hated to be around anyone. I felt like they were laughing or making fun of how I looked. I especially didn’t like to walk in front of anyone as my former big rear end was very intimidating. Today, I don’t battle with a lot of those same feelings. I look more slender, I feel better about my appearance, and I’ve even tried to fix my hair…something I didn’t feel necessary when I was at my heaviest point. You start to think “who cares how I look. I’m fat. That’s all people see.” You tend to let yourself go…even though you know there is a pretty person underneath all those rolls. Being overweight really can mess with you emotionally as well as physically. I am so glad I took on this challenge to lose weight. I can see the former skinnier girl making a come back. I still have about 15 pounds to go but I’ve come so far that I don’t want to turn around and ever go back to being overweight. It is the most awful feeling to know you wear a size that you never thought possible. I stopped buying clothes a long time ago because I didn’t want to have to buy a larger size. I was almost to the point where I couldn’t shop in the regular women’s section. I was a tight 16 before I started this diet. Now I’m in a size 12 working my way down to a 10. That is where I want to be. I’m tall and I can pull it off. I haven’t been a size 10 in a long time but I think that would be a great size for my frame. I have no desire to be a size 2. God did not intend for me to be that skinny. He gave me a good body to work with but I’ve let it go to pot the past couple of years. Now I am much more aware of how I look and what foods I am putting in my body.

One of the best feelings is being able to stand in front of the camera without hiding my problem areas. I DVR the 4pm news everyday so I can go back and watch places that might need improvement. As I was scrolling through I snapped this pic of me standing at the keywall. Notice–no script in front of me, my jacket buttons, and my stomach is flat. It may seem like a little thing but to me it makes all the difference in the world.

Growing up my grandmother made all of my clothes. She wanted to be a fashion designer but girl’s back in her day got married instead of pursing careers. So she married my granddaddy when she was 16. She spent almost all of her life working at the textile mill in Haleyville. She was a top notch seamstress. She could make anything from gowns, pajamas and robes to curtains, jackets, clothes-you name it. When she would get off work, she would cook supper and sew my mom a dress before bedtime. GG had a tough life but she made the best of it. She used her talent to helping her family. She made a lot of tailor-made clothes for me and when I started work at 48 twelve years ago, I wore a lot of them. I still have most of what she made, though they are worn out now. I hang on to them for the sentimental value. Those clothes were gorgeous. She would go into these expensive stores with a piece of paper and a pencil and sketch out a dress or a suit. Then she would go to the cloth store, buy the material, come home and sew it up. I had expensive looking clothes for just a few dollars. There is a point to this story (ha!)She had a dress model in her sewing room that she used to fit my clothes (I used it to play dress up). I saw that skinny model not so long ago and realized that the size I wear now would swallow that form up. Ha! I miss being a small size like that. I miss my grandmother’s beautiful clothes. But I know she is proud of me and I’m proud of me too.

I look at weight loss like this. I’m on a raft in the middle of the ocean with only a paddle. I’m paddling as hard as I can searching for land. All I see is open water all around me. I feel like giving up and floating away. That would be the easy thing to do. Today, from my small raft I can see a sliver of land. That gives me hope. I know my boat is headed in the right direction. If I keep paddling, I will eventually make it to shore. When I get there I’ll know just how far I’ve had to travel to find what I was looking for. You are going through the same thing. I know, because you’ve told me. I know I don’t always have positive days, I get tired of dieting, I want a piece of pizza now and then but I have a goal and I want to stick with it. i want you to do the same. Give yourself a break when you need, give yourself credit when you deserve it.

I hope you all have a great Friday!

Watch out for black cats and don’t step on any cracks 😉


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One Response to Day 76-New app, boost in self-esteem, small boat in a large ocean

  1. I use an app called “RunKeeper Pro”…I have the lite version because it’s free! But, it works about the same way that the one you described above does. It even keeps track of your pace/mileage/total time. As a runner, I have found that it works as well as those super expensive GPS watches that I’ve seen people use.

    Keep up the good work! This blog really inspires me. 🙂

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